Agree that your yellowish looks better.
When it comes to if this is usable for RB or not though I have a hard time deciding right now. What speaks against it is that the red might "conflict" with the more red-brownish tones they use on their uniforms. That, and the issue with the silver-ish lines still looking much like polished steel, which is what probably makes you think that they are not "rustic" and (rusty) enough for the template to feel like RB.
I think it can maybe be done better, but not necessarily using the red and silverish theme we have here. Hence it would be cool to see the earthy versions and see if the artwork feels more at home on them.
( off topic:
As for using this for the nobles I'm sceptical due to the name "red banner" - it will look kind of funny having a faction called that but another having the red template.
I imagined the House of Nobles to be dusky-unsatured-blueish, while the Empire is the purple we agreed upon some while ago. That said, now that I think about it, I have a hard time imagening a template that is purple and looks good... = / As it stands now though Empire colours from BfW are Red/White, so maye Empire could use this red one if all purplish fails... hrm... )